If you think about it well, then a divorce, no matter how tragic it may be, is just the end of something before the start of something else. It would be nice to figure out what we regret when divorcing more: lost time in the past or lost opportunities that we expected in the future? Or are we missing this particular person with whom we have lived part of our life?
The husband left, and now everything has changed. Pain, fear, resentment – this, of course, is tragically great, but somehow you need to live on. And if there are also children next to you, then there are plenty of incentives for gaining strength. So, where to start life after a divorce?
How to survive a divorce?
1. Refuse from endless and completely meaningless discussions of divorce with friends, mom, relatives. Stop listing the list of grievances to your ex-husband again and again. In a word, stop living this divorce. It has already happened.
What do you achieve by constantly talking about it? Trying to rehabilitate yourself in the eyes of others? Looking for empathy? Of course! You want everyone and everyone to pity you. And then very soon you will turn into a vegetable. Those who pity you will leave you. They are not friends with vegetables, they are eaten.
2. After you accept the divorce as a fait accompli, try to remember what you were like before marriage. After all, you were someone, you felt something, you wanted something, you went to something. That is, you are not only a wife and a mother. You were before marriage, exist after him. Get yourself back.
3. If you stretch the line from the time when you still did not know this man, through marriage to the present with his divorce, then you will certainly feel that nothing has ended. You continue to live, and even now something completely new is happening to you. And do not forget to get away from emotional conversations about divorce from your loved ones.
4. If you do all this, then very soon emotions will settle down. But when the emotions calmed down, it’s time to start reassessing the values. But you need to start independent psychoanalysis from the time when you did not yet know about the existence of your ex-husband. Remember your patterns of behavior, your desires. What did you want? Surely your husband’s choice corresponded to some of your attitudes. The error lies already there, even before meeting with him.
5. After that, he proceeds to the same psychoanalysis of his family life, starting the analysis from the moment you meet. And, please, do not make psychoanalysis cheap melodrama. What is needed is not sentiment, but the result in the form of a found error of your behavior, thinking, and desire.
The Don’ts after a divorce
Do not try to drown out the pain with alcohol, antidepressants, tobacco. In a word, it is not recommended to do at least something that can confuse the mind, cause its turbidity. So you will only prolong the agony, because all these means aggravate emotions, arouse sentimentality and self-pity.
No need to go into the negative, deciding “once and for all” that all men are scum. If one marriage did not work, why cut off your path to the second? You don’t need these stupid things like: “I don’t need anyone, my heart is locked, now I don’t know how to love.” And from the side, you look sorry (because no one believes), and you prolong the agony because you are trying to castrate yourself.
No need to look for a replacement urgently. Give yourself a break, take a break. Practice shows that if right after a divorce, you try to establish new relationships, then they are doomed to failure. The fact is that you will unmistakably single out from the crowd exactly the person who is guaranteed to hurt. This is the work of the subconscious, a reaction to the fact that you have been betrayed.
Do not try to return the husband. You will again look pitiful in the eyes of all, lose self-respect, and this will be the beginning of the end. And just remember that time and money you spent on divorce! If you used a fast online divorce service, it would be a way easier. Humble yourself, don’t call, don’t look for meetings, don’t cry into the phone. In a word, no tantrums.
Do not interfere with your husband to communicate with children, do not blackmail them, do not extort money. You will act wisely if you maintain friendships. In this case, the husband will not forget the children, and your nervous system will remain intact.